I'm Ashley!

Mom to six, love to one. Running on coffee and endorphins.

My Kid is an Asshole

My Kid is an Asshole


First, obviously I love my child. So don't forget that as I go off here.

But Linc is a real butthead. 

He really truly is. 

If you're shocked or offended by me saying this, we clearly don't know each other in real life.

Lincoln is just unbelievably frustrating at this point in time. He LIVES to mess with everyone. He's been hitting, kicking, BITING (wtf??), spitting, etc. He is being a goddamn hellion. 

Here's a list of things he's done in the last 24 hours that made me consider giving him away:

1. I told him he couldn't drink my coffee, so he spit in it. 

2. I wouldn't let him brush his teeth ten different times, so he kicked me. 

3. He scratched Brody.

4. He jumped on Zach. 

5. He threw all of the stuffed animals all over the room. 

6. He threw Zach's books all over the room. 

7. He basically threw everything all over the fucking room. 

8. He freaked out and did this weird screechy banshee thing at Target when I wouldn't let him have candy. 


Now, you may be thinking what the hell am I doing in all of these situations. Listen, I watch this little monster like a hawk and we have consistent rules. A system that has been honed over 12 years. But even I have to do other things sometimes, like go to the bathroom, or glance in the direction of one of the other kids, and then he moves like lightening to fuck shit up. 

And I know, I know, it's mostly the age. He's two, almost three, and it's called Terrible Twos and Kill Me Now Threes (kidding) for a reason. I am just so exhausted! Especially this last week. I've been sick, Ryan's been working late almost every night, and I can't seem to get a break. He didn't fall asleep until 11pm last night. I was literally sitting in his room in tears because I was so damn tired and worn out from a day of HIM and just yelling at him to get back in bed every time he made a move. 

Things I think during the day:

1. Why? Why would you do that?

2. Stop being an asshole. 

3. Wtf you cannot be serious. 

4. You are an actual asshole.


6. For fucks sake.

I can't believe I'm at the point where I'm actually thinking to myself "I should probably stop thinking about how my child is an asshole" I guess he can be nice. I would say 85% asshole, 15% nice. But man, is it hard. 

Last night, after putting Lincoln back to bed about 50 thousand times, I was contemplating drinking an entire bottle of wine and crying in bed for the rest of the night, but I was too tired and Linc stayed awake forever.

So this is the reality of my life right now. Me, struggling to stay positive, totally exhausted, and trying to keep liking my kid. 

He's number six, so obviously I've gone through these phases with kids before. I just don't quite remember it being this bad. I vaguely remember Brody being somewhat like this, which gives me some hope that he's going to turn into an amazing kid like Brody one day. 

That's what keeps me going. The thought of how awesome he's going to turn out. How we're going to be buddies one day. How all the things that are driving me crazy right now will be amazing traits as he grows. 

Right now, as I'm typing, Lincoln is stealing Zach's legos and running away with them so I'm going to sign off and try to visualize him in a few years when I like him again. 

Zachary Update

Zachary Update

School Lunches

School Lunches